The Burning Pen

A Looping of the Scales by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence.  Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately.  You are not welcome here.  The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 7

All recognizable characters belong to JKR. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
**************************************

Chapter 7 ~ Blowup

”Please take a seat, Severus,” Headmistress McGonagall said to the sullen wizard standing before her.

Snape took the armchair in front of Minerva’s desk and stared at her, not speaking.

Minerva’s eyes blinked rapidly behind her glasses, filling with tears.

”Severus, Miss Granger told me about your travels yesterday—you have my deepest sympathies,” she said softly. “I’m sorry you had to relive that loss again and even at a younger age—“

Snape’s mouth tightened, but that was his only reaction. He wouldn’t let anyone see him grieve again. His pain was private and he didn’t want it being bandied about.

”What am I supposed to do now?” he asked the Headmistress.

Minerva sighed.

“Well Severus, this is your situation as it stands. You are eighteen again. You are technically an adult albeit a very young adult and in a much different situation than you were your—first time around.”

”How much different?” Snape asked, frowning.

”Well, after you graduated from Hogwarts you had certain—er—resources, and—well—a sponsor, of sorts. This enabled you to continue your potions study and helped you develop your skills enough to become a Potions master at this school—“

”How old was I?” he pressed. “How old was I when I became a staff member?”

”You were twenty-one. The youngest teacher ever to serve at Hogwarts,” Minerva answered softly.

”Twenty-one,” Snape repeated, frowning slightly. “Why would I be hired at such a young age? I may have been skilled, but still—my age—“

”There were extenuating circumstance, Severus—“

”Lily’s death—“

”That was part of it, yes. Dumbledore wanted to keep you close—“

”Yes. Because I was his spy, wasn’t I?”

”Severus—“

”I have a feeling I was used my first time around,” the boy said darkly.

”No—no that isn’t true, Severus,” Minerva insisted, although guilt was tightening her belly. She hadn’t been part of Albus’ deception but she still felt the wrongness of it.

”Who was my sponsor?”

”What?”

”Who made it possible for me to continue my potions studies after I graduated?”

Minerva blinked at him, not wanting to give him an answer. She didn’t have to give it.

”It was Tom Riddle, wasn’t it? He was my sponsor, wasn’t he? He took me in, which meant my parents must have died after I graduated, either that, or I chose not to go back to Spinner’s End.”

He looked up at Minerva sharply.

”What happened to my parents? To my—mother?”

”She died, Severus,” Minerva said, hating that she was having this conversation.

”I know she’s dead. I want to know how she died,” he breathed, his face contorting.

Minerva once again blinked back tears.

”Your father strangled her, then threw himself into the river and drowned,” she said softly.

Snape’s eyes closed tightly and his knuckles turned white from his hand clenching the arm of the chair, his nails digging into the wood as he took in her words. His father finally did it, the bastard. He began to breathe heavily, fighting back his rage.

Minerva watched him, her heart aching as he courageously tried to hold in his feelings. She pulled out a tissue from a box on her desk and offered it to him.

”You can cry, Severus. Let it out, my dear,” she said softly.

Snape looked at her, his face ashen but determined.

”I don’t have time to cry. Just help me figure out what to do now.”

Minerva withdrew the tissue and sighed again.

”I’ve sent a message to the Board of Governors concerning your—situation, Severus. It may well be you’ll have to take the NEWTS over since taking them aren’t a part of your experience now. If that is the case, you will stay here at Hogwarts, in your quarters. The staff is going to take over your classes. Luckily, you had written out your lesson plan for the year in entirety, so it can easily be followed.”

”I’d like to take my NEWTS,” he said shortly. “I’ve studied for them.”

Minerva nodded.

”Then, I’ll make the arrangements for that. I also believe that you should do some research to—to find out about your life before this unfortunate situation occurred. Even if you don’t remember it, knowing it will be some help to you. Harry Potter received some of your memories—“

”WHAT?” Snape shouted, jumping out of the chair in shock and anger. “Why? Why does he have my memories?”

”It was necessary, my boy,” a voice not Minerva’s answered. It was male and familiar.

Snape looked around the room wildly.

”Who said that?” Snape demanded as Minerva pushed her chair aside and Snape looked at the portrait of Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, a much older Dumbledore than he remembered.

”I said it, Severus,” Albus’ portrait responded.

Snape blinked at him.

”But, you’re a painting. You aren’t real! This is an illusion,” Snape sputtered.

Albus smiled.

”Parts of what you say is true, Severus, but only minutely so. This is magic we’re dealing with here. I am not Albus Dumbledore in the flesh, so therefore, I am not ‘real’ in that sense, but I retain all of his knowledge, memories and experiences so I may advise those that follow me, as do the other portraits of former Headmasters and Headmistresses of this institution.”

Albus swept his arm and Snape noticed the moving portraits hung all around the office, looking at him and whispering among themselves. He looked back at Dumbledore.

”I killed you,” he hissed. “Why? Why did you make me do that? I was told it was some kind of plan—“

”So many questions, Severus. Are you so anxious to regain the guilt and pain that you lived with before this happened to you? Don’t you see, my boy, that this can be a blessing?”

”How?” Snape snarled at him. “How can this be a blessing when everyone I cared about is dead? When I am completely alone? How can this be a blessing when my world is gone? Just—gone? It wasn’t the best of worlds, but it was my world and I was comfortable in it.”

”You’ve never been comfortable in any time or place, Severus—“

”Stop it! Stop acting as if you know me better than I know myself! You never had time for me! You let Potter and Black do anything they wanted to me! You never punished them! Never! Now I’m supposed to listen to you? How do I know anything you’re saying is true?”

”You don’t—yet you still ask questions of me,” Albus said softly.

Snape stared at him with hate in his eyes.

”Severus, please—we’re trying to help you—“ Minerva pled with the boy. Snape spun on her.

”Help me? From what I know right now, I was the one who ‘helped’ in ways I suffered for. How did I become a spy? Especially for you, Headmaster? I didn’t like you and felt nothing for you. My loyalty was to Tom Riddle—“

”Yes, it was. Until he killed Lily Potter,” Dumbledore said softly.

Snape looked stricken for a moment, his eyes blinking rapidly as he once again faced the fact of Lily’s death at the hands of the one man he trusted and believed in.

”Lily Evans!” he snarled. “Never Potter! Never! And I bet you took full advantage of it, too, didn’t you? You used my grief to manipulate me into spying for you!”

Dumbledore’s portrait blinked.

”You came to me for help before Lily was killed, Severus. You knew Tom intended to kill her. To kill her, James and their son, Harry.”

Snape stared at him in disbelief.

”No! That isn’t true. There’s no way I would let Tom kill Lily. Not even talk about killing her!”

”He wasn’t the same Tom Riddle, Severus. You saw to that. You create an elixir that nearly made him the most powerful wizard in existence, and he became a dictator, a despot, and you all feared him—you among them! You came to me, begging for protection for Lily—I agreed, in exchange for you giving me information on Voldemort and his Death Eaters—“

Snape’s eyes widened.

”But—but if I did that and Lily still died, that means you didn’t keep your word! You let her die!” Snape said with a sob.

”They put their trust in the wrong person, Severus—“

Snape stood there, his fists clenched, shaking, his head lowered as he glared at the floor. Slowly he looked up at Dumbledore, one hand slipping into his robes pocket. Minerva didn’t see what he was doing.

”No,” Snape said in a deceptively soft voice, “Lily didn’t put her trust in the wrong person. I did! REDUCTO!”

Minerva let out a scream as Snape pulled out his wand and blasted Albus’ portrait, blowing a hole straight through it, then bolted out of the office.

”Albus! Albus!” Minerva cried, running up to the portrait. Almost the entire picture was burned from the frame. “Oh, no! No!”

”My word.”

Minerva spun to see Albus peeking out of another portrait, crowding its occupant.

”Is he gone?” the painting asked.

”Yes,” Minerva said, plopping down in her chair and mopping her brow with the tissue Snape refused.

Albus’ portrait straightened, fixing his skewed wizard’s hat.

”He didn’t take that very well, did he?”

”I should say not,” Minerva replied. “The poor boy.”

**********************************************

That poor boy was now stalking through the halls of Hogwarts, bumping into students and swearing under his breath, heading for the dungeons.

Damn him. Damn Dumbledore to hell! He was supposed to have protected Lily, and got him to spy in exchange for it and still let her die! Why didn’t he kill Dumbledore for his treachery? Why hadn’t he held him accountable? What kind of hell was his life before this accident that he let the wizard get away with breaking his word?”

He stormed down the dungeons toward his office, then stopped as he saw Hermione Granger standing in front of his door, a bulging knapsack thrown over her shoulder.

”Get out of here!” he hissed. “I’ve got a wand now. I can go where I need to without you!”

”I’ve come to help you find out about yourself,” Hermione said to him.

”What if I don’t want to know anymore about myself? I’ve learned enough to know I’ve been used and abused by both Dumbledore and Tom Riddle,” he hissed at her. “Both of them betrayed me. Now I’m not so sorry I killed Dumbledore. He deserved it! He let Lily die!”

Hermione just looked at him, the fury and pain in his eyes.

”I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Snape stared at her.

”Just go away,” he hissed, pushing her aside and opening the door to his office.

”You aren’t the only one!” Hermione yelled at him suddenly.

Snape turned to her.

”What?”

”You aren’t the only one who lost someone you loved. A lot of people have died within this past year, people I cared about and was close to as well! You aren’t by yourself! We’ve all lost people because of Voldemort. Not just you! Buck up!”

Snape blinked at her, his face contorting.

”Buck up?” he said quietly.

”Yes! Buck up! You aren’t going to bring anyone back ranting and treating people like dirt. You aren’t going to regain your memories or your life. You’ve got to start over, just like the rest of us! We haven’t lost our memories, but some of us—would like to. You’ve just got more to deal with, but you have to deal with it, professor. That’s all you can do. You have to learn about yourself, who you were. You might feel it’s about someone else, but at least you’ll know. You’re already at a disadvantage. Everyone you meet knows more about you than you know about yourself, and there’s more to you than just Lily, Voldemort and Dumbledore, so much more.”

Snape fixed her with a cold stare.

”And you care—why?” he asked her.

“I care because—because I know what you went through and you were—a selfless hero, professor—despite how badly you were treated. You didn’t let it stop you from doing the right thing. And that means something.“

Snape seemed to calm then, his eyes becoming less red and narrowed. He drew in a deep breath as if he had been starved for air. After a moment or two, he addressed the short witch before him.

”Stop calling me professor. My name is Severus. Use it. Everyone else does,” he said.

”Severus,” Hermione repeated, then fell silent.

Snape cocked his head at her.

”Did you ever have bucked teeth?” he asked her.

Hermione blinked at him.

”Why, do you remember me with bucked teeth?” she asked him in response, frowning slightly as she remembered how, when her teeth grew because Draco hit her with a Densaugeo spell, Snape had dismissed her elongated choppers, saying he didn't see any difference..

"No, I don’t remember it. You just look like you should have bucked teeth. And—there’s something else—"

Snape’s eyes flicked over her consideringly.

"What?"

"For some reason, you annoy me."

Hermione scowled at him as Snape slowly opened the door wider.

”I don’t know why I’m doing this, but come in.”

**********************************************
A/N: Thanks for reading.

PLEASE REVIEW A Looping of the Scales"." >>> NEXT CHAPTER

Story Index

Number of Visits: